So we recently came to the end of our travels in Asia and thought we would share with you some of the things we learnt:

• The Lonely Planet is your bible. If the lonely planet says it/recommends it/mentions it/looks at it then it must be true and completely credible.

• Wearing dirty clothes becomes a way of life. And washing day becomes the highlight of your week. Provided you find a decent laundrette that at least make your clothes smell a bit nicer, that is. No one likes the laundrette where your clothes come back smelling like they’ve been rubbed on a dog from India.
• You will not come back from Asia with all your clothes. It’s impossible to go more than a couple of days without losing an item. I’m pretty sure the laundry ladies steal them. Hostel beds suck them into pillow cases never to be discovered again. Your backpack spits them out in remote areas when no one is around. And they just run away from you, actually grow legs and run. I have socks in India, knickers in Laos, gym kit in Vietnam and whole outfits in Cambodia. Asia took my clothes for its own.
• You will learn to sleep anywhere. On trains, sleeper buses, surf boards, hanging upside down from a hammock like a bat, in a forest surrounded by lions. Anywhere.

• You will not be able to sleep anywhere. You will wake up at strange times and then spend the next 4 hours thinking about noodles, your stomach cramps and why that girl in the bed next to you is making irritating chomping noises in her sleep. She needs to shut up. Seriously.
• You will get used to being herded around with no idea what’s happening. Don’t expect to be informed which part of the journey you are on, because you’ll never know. Some man will usually just shout and point at where you are expected to go next.
• 100% DEET will strip paint. And nail varnish. And anything else it comes into contact with. It may also affect your vision for prolonged periods of time.
• When crossing borders you will be expected to give your passport to random people in important looking caps. Usually they will be located near a bamboo gate, next to a hut. These may or may not be legit border crossings. Guard that passport with your life.
• There’s nothing better than a good room with air con. Air con that’s so good you are able to actually use a blanket when you sleep.

• Accept that you will put some dodgy stuff in your mouth. It may even taste good and for goodness sake stop asking the waiter “What is this?” You will never find out. You’re wasting your time so forget it.
• You will get itchy.
• A good mojito in Asia is about as rare as Lyvette keeping still when a wasp flies towards her.
• Eventually you will be ok with being sweaty. It’s life.
• You will become one of those people who wears free t shirts collected from various bars around South East Asia. And you won’t even care that you have CHANG written across your back in big letters. Probably because that’s the only item of clothing you still have left. And it’s so hideous the laundry ladies don’t even want them.
• Don’t expect to come home with any white clothing. It won’t happen.

• Nowhere does Tuk Tuks like India. Just saying.
• Be prepared to have people sat on your lap, breathing into your ear and cuddling your armpits. People in Asia don’t understand the concept of personal space.
• Coins are a rarity. But 100,0000 notes are not. You will feel rich when you go the cash machine and get millions out. Remind yourself, you are not. This does NOT make you a millionaire.
• You will be wary when ordering meals containing cheese. This usually happens when you order a cheese omelette in Laos and end up with a Laughing Cow triangle on the side.
• It’s ok to have permanently dirty feet. And yes they will be stained that colour for the rest of your life. It’s even ok to have your toenails fall off.

• You will learn to pee in places you never thought possible and in conditions previously deemed unfathomable. Squatting in bushes/over holes/in buckets will become a way of life.
• You will leave Asia with bracelets galore. Bracelets dangling from every part of your wrist possible. From the children at Angkor Wat. The children on the beach who told you you were pretty (don’t be a sucker). Lyvette could have fed the population of Cambodia with the amount of money she spent buying bracelets from children there.
• You will learn to love the bum gun. It’s natural to be wary at first but once experienced your life will never be the same again (the bum gun is an Asian delight located next to the toilet, and it’s a gun for cleaning your bum).
• You will get used to watching everyone else eat their food, pay the bill and go for a nap before your meal even arrives. All manners will go out of the window and you accept that it is simply not possible to wait for everybody to get their meal before starting.
• If you have a smoothie be careful it doesn’t contain flies that have unwittingly got trapped in the blender.
• You will leave Bali never being able to look at a surfer the same way again (I’m speaking for non surfing females here). No other species could possibly be that hot. Especially when you can’t see their face, but just them riding the waves, from a distance.
• You will stop even thinking about complaining. No-one understands you anyway. And quite frankly those that do don’t give a s**t.

• You will lose all concept of time. What day is it? The date? Hell, if I know.
• Asia doesn’t care about time (apart from maybe Singapore). If you are expecting to be picked up from your hotel at 8am that could anything from 6am-5pm. If you are told the bus journey takes 8 hours then it will probably take 12.
• You will become accustomed to sleeping with sand in your bed. I have slept with every beach in Asia in my bed. I’m not even sure how it gets there, but it does.
• If you buy pants (trousers to most people) in India you will end up with a hole in your crotch. Especially if you go sliding down tombs and enjoy squatting.

• You will lose the ability to write. The only thing you will be able to spell when you leave is your name. What, you want me to write? With a pen? And paper?!
• You will grow attached to people you have known for 1 day. Because that day will seem like a lifetime.
• Finding a shower that isn’t located over a toilet is a dream come true.
• You will meet some amazing people. Experience amazing cultures and leave feeling extremely lucky. You will appreciate what you have. You will look back at photographs and smile. Sometimes you may even look back at photographs and wonder what the hell you were wearing. And why. But that’s ok. It’s funny (for others at least).