We had finally stopped swaying.

The treacherous boat journey back from Casa En El Agua had really done a number on us. We checked into our accommodation and spent the rest of the evening trying to dry the entire contents of our bags whilst reminding our bodies what solid ground felt like. The aftermath was quite confronting. Gemma got cramp in her thumb from pulling out a wedgie and then she caught my rash. She wasn’t having a good time. It must have been all that salt we’d swallowed.

Luckily we stopped swaying enough to get in a taxi to the airport. Next stop – Bogota for a night before the Amazon, the final leg of the trip.

That started well when we were shooed into the queue for the wrong flight. We watched our actual flight board but apparently weren’t allowed to join them until, after 10 minutes, Lyvette put her foot down and wafted her boarding pass in the woman’s face. It was only then the staff decided we were allowed to get onto the correct plane. Which was good because we couldn’t cope with more travel dramas just yet.

In Bogota we got a taxi to an airport hotel for the night and this was literally (3 weeks into the trip) the first time we witnessed an indicator being used. It was fascinating.

Now, this was the night Gemma got sick. Maybe it was delayed sea sickness. We weren’t sure, but it happened. It was also the night my rash took on a life of its own and the backs of my thighs peeled and flaked off. It was vile. It was also, possibly, the night Lyvette caught my rash or got bed bugs. We were a mess (me more so than the others). And I went to the pharmacy and had to get my rash out in public. 

I was fairly certain the Amazon was the last place in the world my rash would want to be, but hey ho, it was happening.

5am rolled around. Gemma managed to leave the bathroom and I left half my skin in the bed and we got into a taxi. Back to the airport we went. It was 5km away and seemed to take a very long time. After too-long-a-period of time the taxi stopped on a side street and announced; “We’re here.” We were not here. There was not a plane in sight.

Errrrr. We looked at Lyvette, the Uber boss. “Ahhhhh,” she exclaimed, “I sent us to another airport hotel rather than the actual airport.”

The driver must have thought we were off our heads leaving one airport hotel at 5am to check into another one at 5.30am.

The Amazon

The Amazon was not what we expected but good to experience. We started with a night tour, viewing insects and things, Lyvette armed with her full face mosquito net.

I was fine until the lady behind me very gently said; “Now don’t be scared, it’s very beautiful, but there’s something on your bum.”

Now, there’s a few things to unpack here. Firstly, if someone tells you not to be scared – you naturally shit yourself. Secondly, what exactly is very beautiful – my bum or the thing on it?!

She then bent down and took a photo of the beautiful thing (that may or may not have been my arse). And I can confirm that the “something” was an insect that had what can only be described as an aggressive looking spear for a rear end. I did not want it stabbing me. And it was not beautiful. 

I did, however, very nicely ask the lovely lady if she could remove the thing from my bottom.

The main town in the Colombian part of the Amazon, Leticia, is actually quite big, and busy. And you can buy 6 litres of water in a plastic bag. I don’t recommend. It’s disgusting. And tastes like shop. I’ve never know what ‘shop’ tastes like before the Amazon, but now I do.

We did two day tours while we were there. They were long, like 8/9 hours long. Which is fine, except they were all in Spanish and even my 7 years of Duolingo couldn’t save us here. We did see very cuddly monkeys who’s vaginas were dangling on the outside (which didn’t make any sense to us). One of them shit on Gemma’s back. And we saw (very ugly) pink dolphins.

We went to Peru and Brazil and we swam in the Amazon river (the other option was sweating to death) and didn’t get attacked by an anaconda. We also went to some very strange toilets that had shower curtains for doors and Lyvette joined a dancing tribe (which was fabulous). The best part of the dance was when one of the tribal ladies took her knickers off and threw them at a man (Lyvette was too busy dancing to notice).

it’s not that we didn’t like the Amazon, but we all concluded we didn’t love it – it wasn’t all that we had hyped it up to be in our heads. We didn’t see as much wildlife as we’d expected, but then again, in my head I was going to be wandering around in the middle of a dense jungle with predators all over the show. So maybe my expectations were slightly skewed.

On a positive note, my rash liked the Amazon and actually settled a bit. Some of my skin decided to actually stay on my body. Bonus.

And then the realisation hit us. 

Our month in Colombia was almost up. We just had one stop left and that was Bogota (actual Bogota not just an airport hotel). So we were ready to make the most of it…