Dear Fatty,

You’re fat now. Like proper fat. You know the sort of fat I mean, right? I’m sure you do, we’ve all been there. Especially if you’re a female (not that I’m being sexist – males are allowed to be fat too). Every female I know has been morbidly fat, even the ones with bodies like Quavers.

And because it’s January you’re even fatter. Who knew it was humanly possible to go from ‘normal’ to ‘fat’ in just a few short weeks. Who knew that a measly 4lbs could change your entire physique into an unrecognisable whale that cannot possible be described as ‘thin’. But hey it happens, seemingly to the majority. For me it’s different. I’m not fat because it’s January, I’m fat because I’m travelling and many people who’ve travelled for prolonged periods can back me up here. It’s a like a constant Christmas, we’re all constantly fat, due to too much alcohol, different foods and lack of exercise. Mainly due to life loving if we’re honest. Pretty much the same as Christmas. Maybe it doesn’t actually have to be Christmas, or you don’t have to travel to be fat, because thinking about it, being fat seems to affect people all year round. Yeah…actually that’s it. Some of us are just fatties on a daily basis. Especially you.

It makes you wonder though doesn’t it, you being fat and all, how you manage to have a stomach like an ironing board and legs like a supermodel?  And if you’re fat does that make me really fat? And if that makes me fat, does that make the girl who’s a dress size up from me even fatter? Goodness, she must be obese. But hang on, she doesn’t look it. Actually she looks great. That’s odd. And what about these people that are really, really fat I wonder how they would feel about you and your ironing board stomach being fat?

You’re not the only Fatty around though, you’ve got plenty of mates. Me being one of them. I’m fat too. Do you think I’m fat, Fatty? I’m sure you don’t, which is weird because you’re fat and I’m fatter than you. Crazy that. You don’t think I’m fat but you’d hate to be my fat. It’s odd this fat thing isn’t it, how everyone is fat but doesn’t think anyone else is fat? Do you even think fat is a thing? I mean, how can everyone possibly be fat? Even if they’re thin.

If I’m honest, I find it a bit annoying Fatty, you saying you’re fat because I wish I was your fat. I wonder if people find my being fat annoying? They probably do. But then I realise that maybe your fat needs reassurance, your fat needs to know that actually it looks pretty good on you. And I also realise that after a salad or a quick workout you probably won’t think you’re quite ‘as’ fat. You’ll still be fat, obviously, but a bit less so. And that’s ok, because most girls are fat, so it’s normal.

But Fatty, what your fat needs to realise is that that girl with the little roll over her pants, or even the big roll over her pants, well her fat would get upset with your fat for moaning about how fat it is. Because her fat is fatter. And she’d love your fat and your supermodel legs. But I think, what the problem is, Fatty, is that all of our fat is different so we’re never happy. And if we have more fat than usual it’s upsetting so we just need the right amount of fat to keep us happy. If our fat is happy, we feel good and we are happy. What we all need is happy fat.

Having thought about it, I’m not happy with my fat at the moment, it’s more than usual. I blame this travelling and life loving, it’s a pain. I mean why on earth do life loving and excess fat go hand in hand for me? I think I’m the fattest I’ve ever been and to be honest, I’m not keen on it. I’m going to have to sort this out soon. And sometimes I have to get this off my chest, tell someone about it. But I try really, really hard not to go on about it, mainly because lots of people are fatter than me. And also, most people feel exactly the same about their fat. And my fat is my fault. I’m trying really hard to love my fat, but that’s difficult when it’s larger than I’d like. I reckon it’s difficult for a lot of other people as well. And what I’ve also realised is that fat has the ability to jump between a real life physical thing and a figment of the imagination. I mean, this Christmas fat that everybody goes on about, most of the time this is imaginary. It’s not even there. People don’t suddenly have to get lifted to work on forklift trucks after two weeks of binging. Oh actually that’s a lie, they do. In their heads.

So Fatty, I guess what I’m saying is that in reality you’re not that fat. In fact you’re built like a very sexy Quaver (but you don’t smell of cheese). I am also not that fat, and I realise this. And it’s ok and very normal to not like your fat at times, it’s ok to vent and rant about it – hey we all do this, but there’s also a point when you need to love your fat (or in your case lack of it) or address it. Not just you, all of us. And there will be times in our lives when we let go a little and get a bit heavier, get a bit fatter and sometimes, this is ok. I mean I’m not 100% happy with my life loving fat BUT I’ve had the best two years achieving it and that makes it worthwhile. The process in which my fat was created has given me so many memories and experiences.  Just like over Christmas when people choose to indulge, choose to partake in activities in which they have a great time and then they complain about how it makes them feel afterwards. Why is that? Eat and drink lots and then complain about it? I mean if you hate it that much just don’t do it, and definitely don’t complain about it when you’ve chosen your own actions. But, Fatty, that’s the point, it’s human nature, that’s how we roll, the majority of us. And letting go can be a good thing.

Sometimes fat can be good and a necessary evil but if it gets too much we need to do something about it, get rid of some of that fat without becoming obsessed, without holding constant conversations about it (because this just becomes downright irritating). We need to realise that sometimes our fat isn’t actually that bad because maybe we’re not actually that fat, maybe it’s a mental thing, and we need to work on embracing this and trying to feel better about it. I mean it must be mental, surely, if you and your ironing board stomach are fat and I’m fat, and people fatter than me are fat? We can’t possibly all be fat, right? It must just be how we feel about our fat. We don’t have happy fat – uh oh.

So, Fatty, I know you’re pretty fat right now – you’ve mentioned it a few times. But I’d like you to take a minute and think about this properly. Is that really how you feel or do you just need other people to appreciate your fat to make you feel better? Either way, I’d love your fat, it’s amazing. Just like someone else would probably love my fat. Remember this next time you wish to discuss your fat with the rest of the fatties out there.

Because what we all need to remember is that we can all feel fat, even the thinnest of us, this is normal. Fat can be very insecure, even for the Quaver fatties out there. So don’t be insecure Fatty, if you don’t feel good work on making yourself feel better. Do some exercise, do stuff for you, eat healthily. Do this most of the time, make it your new lifestyle, embrace the (good amount) of fat you have, but try not to be consumed by it. Try and get that happy fat back. And don’t forget that sometimes we need to live a little and cake is indeed truly scrumptious. As is wine.  And cheese, don’t get me started on cheese. And a little bit of this wont actually affect your physical fat, it will affect your mental fat.

And most of all Fatty, remember you’re not alone in this life of fat, it’s the same for all of us fatties out there, no matter how much physical fat we actually have.

We’re all going through the same vicious cycle.
This constant struggle between actually being fat and feeling fat.
This self destructive desire to always be thinner, never be happy with the way we are.

So remember you’re not alone in this life of fat. We’re all going through the same vicious cycle.

We’re all fatties together.

Lots of love
Fatty