Everyone told me I’d love Australia, mainly because I enjoy the outdoors. And I must admit it took me a while, but yes I have grown to like this country. I like the sunny skies, the views of Sydney harbour, the laidback nature of the people of Queensland. I like the coastal beaches and the Melbourne brunches. I mean, there’s a lot to like. But there’s also a lot to learn…

• It is the only place where you can buy Havaianas from a vending machine. In England we pop in our change and a Kit Kat comes floating down. In Australia it’s a pair of flip flops.
• Koala’s stink.

• LLB aka lemon lime bitters. One of the best things ever, definitely the best drink ever. Try it.
• ‘Chips’ are actually crisps. So don’t go looking for them in the freezer section because then you’ll come back with fries and these are not the same thing. You learn this when you work in a pub and someone orders chips and you tell them they’ll be a few minutes and point them to the ketchup and cutlery and they look at you like you’ve gone mad, reach around and select desired flavour of crisps from next to you.
• The weather. Now this needs a special mention. You naturally assume that you will spend your days bikini clad, soaking up the rays (maybe not if you’re working in an office – that would be inappropriate), however this is not always the case. Yes it is hot. In summer. Depending where you are. Yes it does rain. A lot. Depending where you are. And yes it does get cold. In winter. Depending where you are. My mum sent us bed socks at Christmas and I stupidly scoffed at this gift as I was currently sweating from the eyelids. However, when in Tasmania, waiting for marsupials and sniffing Burt the koala whilst collecting icicles on my ear lobes said socks were a blessing. Thanks mum, you know everything.
• It’s perfectly normal to board a bus wearing a wetsuit and taking everyone out with a surfboard. If the bus is full, it doesn’t matter because that surf board has priority over all. Including pensioners.

• You will get asked if you’re Irish. Numerous times. I even got asked this by an actual real life Irish person. For those of you that don’t know, I’m from Manchester.
• Brunch. That is all. And avocados. They’re as common in Aus as pies are in Wigan.
• Melbourne is the only place I’ve ever been where you have to drive into the left hand lane to turn right. Needless to say my heart jumped into my throat.
• If you venture to Bondi everyone wears lycra and sports kit. Even if the last time they did any form of exercise was in 1972 and they’re just sat eating a kebab. Just kidding – they don’t eat kebabs in Bondi.
• Following from the above point everyone is fit in Bondi. You go for a run along the beach at 3am and you’re joined by the entire population of the place. And their dogs. And babies. And surf boards – obviously.
• Farm work. Two words anybody who has completed their stint on the farm to extend their visa will fully understand. These two words will raise more mixed emotions than an RSPCA advert. In fact they even have their own blog.

• Acai bowls. What does that even mean? And how the devil are you supposed to even pronounce that? Australia loves a good ‘health food’ cafe. I’m pretty sure they just make up words, define them as a superfood and add an extra $5 onto the bill.
• Australia just doesn’t know how to party. At least not like the UK. Especially in NSW. I’m sorry Sydney, despite my love for you, your nightlife is somewhat lacking. Please note, this does change further up the coast and probably has something to do with the rules mentioned later on…
• If you don’t have ID you may as well go and sit in a darkened room on your own twiddling your thumbs because you’re getting in nowhere. You can’t even buy a sausage roll from the bakery. We learnt this when my cousin came to visit and casually lost her passport (yes we have established she’s also an idiot). To put this whole ID situation into perspective, Lyvette got ID’d for a plaster. And yes this is 100% true.
• You quickly get over this fear of sharks. Whatever, I’ll swim there anyway. Well, most people will – I’ve forgotten about sharks now. I’m not sure Lyvette shares the same mindset.

• In the cities – rules, so many rules. Who even takes the time to sit and make these up? Have they got nothing better to do with their time?
• Kangaroo. Now I quite like a juicy roo steak, however there is an art to cooking this as I learnt pretty quickly. It needs to be fairly rare. Otherwise it’s like chewing on an old boot.
• Public toilets. They’re great. Especially when you come from England where the council has shut most of them down and the ones that are left look like they’ve been inhabited by the goblins from The Lord Of The Rings.

• The tea bags suck. Seriously Lipton – you can do one. Bring back Yorkshire tea.
• The outdoorsy lifestyle. It’s fab. People are generally happy here. They run, they walk, they eat, drink and be merry and they appreciate the outdoor life. And even if they don’t they pretend by wearing lycra.
• Sunday Roasts. I mean, I appreciate that this is a very English meal, but, if you are going to put it on your menu you need to make sure it’s a good one. And it simply MUST include a proper Yorkshire pudding. Don’t lie to me and tell me there’s a Sunday roast with ‘all the trimmings’ if it’s just a scrap of beef and a piece of wilted broccoli. That’s like advertising a ham sandwich without the ham. No Australia, just no.
• If you want to BBQ, Australia is the place to be. There are so many public BBQ’s, and they’re always clean. Like, how does that happen? Can people really clear up after themselves? The lack of graffiti and beer cans genuinely blow my mind. I also enjoy the lack of dog poo around these areas.
• This one relates back to rules. NSW – no shots after 10pm. I’m sorry…what?! Surely that’s prime shotting time? Because every sane person wants to start drinking shots with their breakfast…

• They have Aldi. Phew.
• A schooner? What. Is. That. And why would anyone ever automatically serve you anything less than a pint?! A schooner is a measurement of beer something less than a pint. Why? I hear you ask yourself. I couldn’t fathom it either. Apparently it’s to stop the beer getting warm. It’s quite simple really; drink quicker. You don’t see the Irish ordering schooners…
• Did you know Tasmania is actually part of Australia? Maybe I’m stupid but I didn’t realise this. And did you know that the Tasmanian devil actually does exist? They’re becoming extinct because of a rare kind of cancer that causes tumours on their faces. And also they have the strongest jaw in the animal kingdom relative to their size. I know – I’m practically a Devil expert now. Even if I don’t know where Tasmania is. And just for the record they don’t spin around in circles like the cartoon would have you believe. I know this because I sat and watched one in anticipation for over 3 hours.

• Sometimes it seems Australia is slightly behind with the times. I travelled Asia and bought an outfit from H&M. 8 months later that exact outfit had just arrived in Sydney. I swear the Spice Girls have only just come out over here…
• K Mart. Australia’s answer to Primark. A travellers saving grace.
• Zucchinis, capsicum and eggplants – are these words Greek? And what the hell do I cook them with?
• Messina ice cream. OMG. Heaven in a cone.
• The pedestrian crossings at lights. They literally give you 0.3 seconds to cross a main road that is 200m wide. And to make it even more dramatic the green man has sound effects. Loud, beeping ones that lead you to a mild panic attack. At first I thought it was a shark alarm. Now I actually quite like it – I feel it keeps me alert when it comes to road safety.

• Australia is like numerous different countries rolled into one. I still haven’t ventured to certain areas but the ones I have are completely different. Don’t judge this country based on the main cities. I used to dislike Sydney and I judged Australia based on this (I love it now btw). Sydney is most definitely not the true Australia. I couldn’t believe the difference when I got to QLD. It was great.
• Goon. Australia’s equivalent to Lambrini. But in a 4 litre box. If you drink goon I can guarantee you’ll have a great night (that you won’t remember) and a horrendous next morning. All for the bargain price of $10.
• If you’re male and don’t play the guitar over here there’s something wrong with you. Guitars and surfing. Let’s face it, it’s the perfect combo. You don’t see people surfing with a guitar very often in Manchester.

• Never before have I been so scared of crocodiles than when I was in North QLD. Signs everywhere warning you. Even on the highways. I’d walk into a shop checking behind the door for hiding crocs. Public toilets definitely had to be entered with caution.
• Last but not least; Tim Tams. They’re like penguins but so much better. Except they don’t contain a joke. But we’ll let them off because they’re ace.